Thursday, May 7, 2009

Robert Rodriguez to direct Vaporware: The Movie

It suddenly occurred to me as I was reading through movie news articles online that director Robert Rodriguez has been announced as attached to more movies in the past couple years than a dog has fleas. Most of which have yet to materialize. Here's a short list of movie projects mentioned in recent articles: Red Sonja, Barbarella, Woman in Chains!, Jetsons, Conan, Madman, Sin City 2, Machete and, oh, no, wait this just in; Robert Rodriguez's "Barbarella" Adaptation Officially Dead!

Why? Because "he failed to get appropriate funding for the project". Or, as some online critics put it, he talked the talk but couldn't walk the walk. I think the news was broken on the MTV Movies Blog as the above article seems to be quoting a MTV interview, which points out this film project "had been in development for years" and that (after offering a reasonable sounding excuse) "Rodriguez reluctantly said no and moved on to other projects".

Yes that's projects, plural. Of course some online critics indicate it's likely only a matter of time before he finds a reasonable sounding excuse for why he's not filming all those other movies either. Honestly some of these articles are getting ranty. Now as readers of my blog know I enjoy a good rant every now and again but, jeepers, some of the "articles" are just plain nasty.

Then again when you see a headline like: Robert Rodriguez to Relaunch Predator Franchise

It's hard not to react with: Say what? And launch into a rant. .

Let me get this straight this article says the man found the time to write a script for Fox called Predators (a sequel to Predator) yet hasn't produced anything tangible beyond poster mock ups for Red Sonja? That article casually mentions that Machete- which featured as one of the faux movie trailers in Grindhouse- will begin filming in June of this year. Which sounds great but, wait, wasn't Red Sonja announced first? Then again, according to another article from Bloody Disgusting: "Alex Litvak is currently penning the new draft of Predators that's to be produced by Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios". So Mr. Rodriguez is merely the writer/producer on this project?

Maybe I just read the initial articles wrong but they sure made it sound like Mr. Rodriguez had announced he was directing all these projects. I am so confused. Maybe another article can clear matters up. And, wouldn't you know, here's another great headline for you: Sin City 2 Moving Forward.

That article reports: "Rodriguez [stated] that he had a few other commitments he had to complete before moving on to Sin City 2, but he is beginning talks with his creative team and could begin filming as early as next year."

He's not begun filming, much less wrapped, on ANY of the aforementioned projects (so far as I know) yet he's in talks to begin yet another film project? The man's a friggin' cinematic Hercules! How he is going to magically pull these movies out of his sphincter I don't know but I look forward to seeing them, er, the movies I mean.

Moving along. .

Predators is stated as having "a release date of July 9, 2010" so that's sounds like it's a solid commitment. But then so, supposedly, was the Barbarella project. I seem to recall Ms McGowan, the lovely red headed actress tapped to play the titular role, at one point was quoted as saying the sets had even been built. Yet, based on the articles above, it sounds like the current reports quoting Mr. Rodriguez are stating there was only some artist sketches and that the project never got out of the talky pre-production stage.

My brain hurts.

To summarize: Coming to a theatre near you maybe-perhaps-one day soon will be Robert Rodriguez's Vaporware: The Movie; probably-maybe-perhaps starring Rose McGowan.

A whole lot of nothing. That's the basic substance of the articles I've been reading. And that annoys me. So, in closing, I'd like to appeal to Mr. Rodriguez to PLEASE release a press statement about what you're really up to. These Internet rumours are giving me a migraine.

Thank you. Have a lovely day.

#end of line

No comments: