Spotlight On: War Gods Collection

The War Gods Collection box set contains an assortment of classic peplums and is currently on sale at Amazon for $17.99. A decent deal considering this set is a slimline re-issue bundle of double feature DVDs that can still be found on Amazon for between $9.98 to $17.99. If you must have it NOW click the links above but, before you do, know that this set contains the following:

Note: I have cropped the WS caps as NONE of these movies are anamorphic. Otherwise I have made no alterations to the screen caps other than to re-size them.

Son of Samson/ Son of Cleopatra

Son of Samson is in wide screen, actually has a trailer, and aside from the fact it's terribly interlaced and cut in at least one scene (see here) looks fairly decent. Picture quality is far superior to the version in the Warriors 50 movie set (see screen cap comparison here) though interlacing may be an issue when played back on some computers.

However Son of Cleopatra is Full Screen..

And while not a total eyesore is too bright in certain day scenes and too dark in certain night scenes. However this little gem is an impoverished epic full of battles, romance, and the usual machinations found in peplum. A diversion.

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Hero of Rome/Invincible Gladiator

Hero of Rome looks like it was shot through a white silk curtain or off a rear projection set-up, it's fuzzy, not quite in focus, and despite being widescreen not much of a pleasure to watch. Though, in all honesty, it's not really an eyesore. Just annoying.

Contrast with Invincible Gladiator, which was obviously sourced from a very worn 16mm print with degraded color and video contrast levels in need of adjustment, yet appears to have a sharper image with clearer, if not cleaner, picture. .

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War Gods of Babylon & War Goddess

War Gods of Babylon is perhaps one of the best releases in this set. For a full review (with screen caps) of the movie itself go here. A nice overview of the movie (with yet more screen caps) in it's original DVD release can also be found here.

War Goddess is hilariously absurd. From the dialogue, the music, to the nekkid wrasslin' near the end. I have a full review of the original DVD release here. This is, sadly, the same composite print using scratchy old reels, which only adds to the air of mystery in the wrestling scenes as the lighting was pretty bad to begin with. .

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The Magic Voyage Of Sinbad / The Day The Earth Froze

For those paying attention yes, you read right, the lead feature on this disc is a Sinbad movie; or so the title says. In actuality The Magic Voyage of Sinbad isn't a Sinbad movie at all but rather a full screen Russian import (sourced from a tragic looking print) about a Viking-like fairytale hero called "Sadko" that has been re-titled and poorly dubbed into English. The disc contains a still gallery of some poster art. On the flip side is. .

The movie Day the Earth Caught Fire- also in full screen though sourced from a slightly less tragic looking print- is, not surprisingly, yet another re-titled and poorly dubbed Russian/Finnish fairytale import. Included is a black and white trailer yet that does little to forgive the fact these movies were included as throwaway filler. Neither of these movies have anything remotely to do with the box set theme, yet here they are. Enjoy!

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Sadly it's unlikely any major labels will be releasing better quality versions of these movies in R1. Not impossible, but re-mastered editions of some of these were released in Germany (R2) and no one seems interested in licensing those prints. So this is, unfortunately, likely to be as good as it gets for these movies. That said if you're on the fence about this set because you have most of the movies already I would recommend that, if you can find the movies you don’t have cheaper than this box set, then get them. Otherwise this may be worth the double dip.

UPDATE (5/29/09): I have been informed, and confirmed via Amazon, that the original version of The Magic Voyage of Sinbad, under it's Sadko title, has received a restoration release. To see Sadko's Amazon listing click here. Sadly a search for Day the Earth Froze under it's original title (Sampo) did not return any hits.

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Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan

Is Print Media Out of Touch?

One of the many blog sites I have book marked is The Groovy Age of Horror. There's always something interesting to see or read there. Granted I don't visit the site every day, or even every week, but I've had the link book marked since the site was known as The Groovy Age of Dracula. This fact is important because there's a interesting post there this week about the relevancy of online sites.

From the post Not Sure Why comes the following quote attributed to editors from Avon books:

"In my opinion, the online world still doesn’t have much impact on sales as, anecdotally, I’ve seen books get horrible online reviews but have done well.."

I've been pondering this and, frankly, find myself wondering if this statement was made out of sheer ignorance or merely was the opinion of an white-haired techophobe. Obviously it was not because I went to the original article and therein found the following: "we often see people on our message boards," thus one has to assume the editors are aware of the import and impact of an online presence. Yet how can they dismiss online reviews?

I am a writer, obviously, and you are a reader, obviously, thus we, you and I, are perhaps the best judges of whether that remark has any validity. But it's not a simple answer. You can't point to a single site and count page hits and say, yeah, okay, I see it. The Internet is a living organism. It's constantly growing and shedding dead cells. Sites come and go. Reviews get posted, discussed, and forgotten about. If there's any trend that impacts book sales it's the fact people aren't reading as much as they used to. I know I am not.

Books aren't for casual readers and casual readers don't waste their time on just any old book. We do NOT blind buy. Well, okay, we do sometimes. But from ONLINE VENDORS. I have news for the editors of Avon the only truly BLIND buys of books ever made are from ONLINE VENDORS. You can always flip through a bargain book in a store but, online, all you have to go by is word of mouth, posted reviews, and/or online buzz. And that's found only AFTER researching the book and author via GOOGLE or some other search engine.

I look for reviews. That's right I don't just write reviews I read them too. Obviously these reviews impacted someone's sales as I have decide NOT to purchase books because of online reviews or comments made in forums probably more times than I have decided to go ahead and order them.

So is it that Avon books aren't selling and the editors want to dismiss the internet and internet sites as having no relevance so they can ignore bad reviews?

Fine. Go ahead. But, in my opinion, you'd have to be an Grade A idiot to do so.

Once upon a time I used to be a member of Waldenbooks Otherworlds Club. But nothing of the sort exists anymore. (I have a "reward" card for a major book store and they do NOT offer such an newsletter nor do their e-mails contain reviews, it's all crass ads.) Sadly Waldenbooks has gone the way of the dodo. And their Otherworlds club died long ago and the newsletter, which had reviews and previews, with it.

Now, if I want to know about a book, I'll go to Amazon and read the reviews THEN go straight to Google and type in the book title and author name to see what the online buzz is. That includes forums. I don't limit myself to sites I have book marked or review sites. I don't think I am the only one. But the Avon editors make the big bucks. If they say the internet is irrelevant who am I, a mere pixel in cyberspace, to dispute their lofty editorial pronouncements.

All I've ever done in the literary world is get a few things published, including book reviews, but those were published online and, according to the esteemed Avon editors don't count. Nevermind I got a free sub to the print mag whose online presence(s) those reviews appeared in. They weren't relevant. Nor, apparently, was any of what most people reading this blog right this second have had published online; according to the editors for Avon.

How does that make you feel?

Knowing that the editors for a major publication don't view you with contempt, they just don't consider you at all, makes me kind of sad. Makes me wonder what the point of all these words I just typed are. Did they move you? Do you care?

Makes you wonder.

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The Mummy Lives

Year: 1993

Director: Gerry O'hara

Cast: Tony Curtis, Greg Wrangler, Leslie Hardy, et al.

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Format Viewed: DVD (FS)

Tagline: Bound by destiny. Consumed by sin. His vengeance is eternal.

Premise: Woman inherits money. Woman decides to go to Egypt. Woman experiences strange dreams/visions about being an ancient Egyptian princess while coincidentally an archaeological dig uncovers a new tomb. Archaeologists ignore hieroglyphic warnings of dire consequences for tomb robbers and enter tomb. Archaeologists disturb mummy. Mummy gets pissed and decides to go on rampage, sort of.

The DVD: Barebones (only menu option is Play Movie), full screen, video clear, audio adequate, overall typical of bargain bin releases.

The Movie: An feeble and scattershot plot is loosely woven around an ageing Tony Curtis, who apparently was cast in this purely for the name recognition he brought to the production; witness the bubble with his picture on the cover.

If you've seen the 1999 film THE MUMMY starring Brendan Fraser then you know the basics of the plot. The story revolves around the forbidden love affair of two paramours who, in ancient of days, were put to death by Egyptian priests. Fast forward a couple millennia to a relatively contemporary present and the female half of the pair has been apparently reincarnated in the body of a woman who, coincidentally, just happens to be visiting Egypt at the very moment archaeologists discover the very tomb in which her lover from the previous life; wrapped up like a mummy; was buried alive.

I don't usually like to compare a film to a movie made after it's release but it's interesting how THE MUMMY and THE MUMMY LIVES use the same basic premise yet are such vastly different movies. Tony Curtis plays a role similar to that Arnold Vosloo portrayed while Sandra Barnes is similarly filling the role of reincarnated lover as did Rachel Weisz. Both movies rely on flashback sequences to reveal, in dribs and drabs, information about the characters. Both movies contain a undercurrent of mysticism. Yet. .

The main difference between THE MUMMY LIVES, besides cast and budget, and the aforementioned film is this movie lacks action and is nowhere near as much fun to watch. THE MUMMY LIVES presents a tale as dull and lifeless as a desiccated corpse. Worse, this dreary production has the feel of having been pieced together from bits and pieces of footage intended for a different movie altogether. (The post-production editing staff should either get an special award for ineptness or mastery of their art for managing to piece together something from utter trash, I'm not sure which.) Yet, despite it's faults, this is still better than 90% of the similarly themed Sci-Fi channel original movies that have been aired in the past couple of years.

Assessment: This title been in bargain bins for some time yet, despite being curious, I steered clear of it largely because of it's PG-13 rating. PG-13 ratings are to horror movies what political correctness is to reason and rationale thinking, or ketchup is to ice cream. They just don't go together. Yet, when it appeared at Big Lots for $3, I decided to give it a chance to shine.

Alas there seems to be far more wrong with this cinematic misstep than merely the rating. According to IMDB the writer responsible for this was the same person who wrote the screenplays for The Andromeda Strain (1971) and Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979). Which makes one wonder just where the fault for this rotten egg really lays, with the writer, actors, production staff or is it merely a confluence of contravening gaffs? Because the movie does have it's moments it just doesn't gel very well overall.

To be fair Tony Curtis was well on in age when he appeared in this yet, as his part is a glorified cameo, one does wonder how a veteran actor of his caliber could be so misused. Thus perhaps the fault is with the direction? According to IMDB the director's credits are mostly for assistant director work yet, looking at some of the productions he has been part of, one would assume he was more than capable of doing better than this. Then again the one constant factor seems to be age. Virtually everyone involved in this production- from the writer, director, and even the primary name talent- seems to have been well on in age. And perhaps that is the problem for this movie truly has the stench of moldering decay and dust about it. What this movie needed was an injection of action and sensuality. Tony Curtis is good but he was pushing 70 when he starred in this and the producers made no attempt to make use of that fact. How much more interesting and poignant would the movie have been if his extreme age had been noted in the flashbacks? Certainly his love affair with the much younger Egyptian concubine would have been seen in a different light.

Verdict: We're all getting older, no getting around that fact, but just because we're getting old doesn't mean we want to be reminded of the fact by being bored to death. That, sadly, is all this movie does. I would thus recommended THE MUMMY LIVES only for harcore fans of Tony Curtis, those who must see every mummy film ever made, and b-movie gluttons. Otherwise steer clear and rent THE MUMMY, which managed to do much more with the same basic premise. You've been warned.

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Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan

Agent Red

Year: 2000

Run Time: 95 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Director: Damian Lee

Cast: Tony Becker, Melissa Brasselle, Larry Carroll, Robert Donovan, Steve Eastin, &tc.

Format Viewed: DVD (R1)

Premise: A submarine transporting a bioengineered super strain virus is hijacked by Russian terrorists. The only survivors amongst the crew are a couple with a strained relationship. In order to save the world they must get over their romantic squabble and work together against the evil terrorists.

The DVD: Picture is clear, audio is good, alas the presentation is full screen with minimal extras, including Spanish subtitles and a trailer for the movie.

The Movie: From director Damian "Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe" Lee and starring the go to guy for low budget direct to video paramilitary action flicks, Dolph Lundgren, Agent Red is a bipolar gypsy boldly wandering through a phantasmagoria of heteroclite sophism. And that's the most intelligent sounding mouthful of nothing that's likely been said about this b-movie. A movie that kicks off with a scene so ludicrous you'll be laughing in derision before the title scroll. .

If that's not the most ludicrous face camo you've ever seen consider that those people are supposed to be a special ops military strike team deploying on a mission. The only way actors in a movie could look less believably military would be if the movie was a geriatric porno. The problem is this movie doesn't know what it wants to be. The opening scene could be from a different movie altogether as the actors in it are never seen again, nor does the McGuffin the team goes after (a F-117 stealth fighter) have any bearing on the plot of the movie. In fact the only point the opening scene appears to have is to establish that Dolph Lundgren is a military bad ass. But don't we already know that? This poor guy has pretty much been typecast as such since appearing in Universal Soldier.

More utterly pointless establishing scenes follow. This movie is a convoluted confusion of endlessly recycled stock footage propping up a threadbare plot device that is forgotten almost as soon as it's introduced. My favorite bit of exposition, though it's delivered in a most unbelievable manner, is the following answer to a question about "how hot" (hot being the movie's code word for contagious) the toxin being transported aboard the submarine is:

"100% fatality rate. Infection incurs within 3 minutes once exposed. In six minutes you have splitting headaches. 8 minutes nausea. By the 9^th minute you are projectile vomiting as the body starts to shut down. At 10 minutes you're bleeding from your rectum, eyes, nose, and nipples."

Ouch! That sounds terrible. Alas, after delivering that ominous sounding set up, the most you ever see are some extras standing around pretending to be gagging as they fall limply to the ground. Did the director have ADD and just forget what the movie was supposed to be about? Why build audience expectations only to alienate them by totally ignoring the set-up?

Availability: There's R2 and R3 releases with the German DVD, Agent Red - Ein tödlicher Auftrag, apparently still in print. Sadly the R1 release is apparently OOP. Just be aware when searching for a copy of Agent Red it was released in both FS and WS versions and there's more extras on the WS release (including a commentary track).

Assessment: Agent Red is best summed up by the following quote from the movie itself:

General Stillwell (Stephen Macht): "Ever heard of Agent Red?"

Captain Matt Hendricks (Dolph Lundgren): "Sounds like a bad action movie."

It's difficult not to be hypercritical when a movie pokes fun at itself like that. Yet there is a subtle charm to this movie, when viewed as a self-referential farce, that continues to crop up in the dialogue. It's as if the writer is winking at the audience every now and again saying: Yeah, we know, this is beyond bad but let's just have fun with it!

Especially when the above preceded a briefing that uses this. .

The above is a scene from RED DAWN. Agent Red played segments from this on a TV monitor as part of an "briefing"; I kid you not! This movie is comprised of so much stock footage even Roger Corman would shake his head is disgust. Despite this the movie is actually fairly well edited. A surprising fact considering how inept and ill conceived certain early scenes were, like having Dolph Lundgren's character in a meeting, in military uniform, with military brass who are informing him of time constraints and the necessity to get to the submarine. .

And then, suddenly, seeing his character off-boarding from a commercial flight, in civilian clothes, and boarding a Russian street taxi and hoping the guy knows where the military base he needs to be at is located. .

That's crazy! But then this entire movie seems to be a few marbles shy of a full bag. There's even a scene, supposedly aboard the submarine, between Lundgren and his love interest where the two just have a loud spat in a corridor. Actually you never do see any berths aboard this alleged submarine. How lazy was the director that he couldn't find a broom closet or tool shed to dress up as a room?

Verdict: AGENT RED is basically just a bad kick-boxing flick building up to a chick fight that's lamer than the title. Yet, aside from the fact this is a nonsensical submarine movie masquerading as a killer virus flick, AGENT RED is still better than 90% of Sci-Fi Channel original movies. Sure it's more CRIMSON TIDE than it is OUTBREAK but it's also more entertaining than a straight drama like COVERT ONE: THE HADES FACTOR. What makes this movie entertaining isn't that it's any better acted, though it does have some surprisingly well scripted banter, but rather it's the use of stock footage; much of which looks oddly familiar.

If you liked J.A.G. you may get a kick out of this. The editing, and use of familiar stock footage, lends this movie the feel of a feature length J.A.G. episode, sadly sans the lawyers. Be advised this a bad movie. It's so bad that there's an entire page dedicated to talking about how bad it is. (I can't believe how spot on my initial assessment of this monster opus was!) Behold the opening paragraph from that page:

"After the film was completed, producer Andrew Stevens deemed the movie too inept to be released. Damian Lee screwed things up so bad that writer Steve Latshaw was brought in to at least make the movie half-competent, while Jim Wynorski was hired to direct some new scenes and insert stock footage where appropriate. "

You can read the full article about the movie here. In summary the original edit ran roughly 100 minutes but had to be trimmed down quite a bit with 40 minutes of new footage added to a re-edit to make the movie coherent. And considering that this article also points out that stock footage was lifted from the movies Counter Measures, Storm Catcher, and Solo it's amazing that Agent Red wasn't far worse. If the original ran 100 minutes and the version on DVD clocks in at just around 95, with 40 minutes of that being re-shoot sequences, and an unknown amount of stock footage added in on top of that, there must not be much of the original movie in here. Which makes Agent Red all the more amazing as an artifact of b-movie filmmaking.

Agent Red is an tasty yet slightly moldy sharp cheddar with a light citrus tang. I declare Agent Red to be bad movie uranium and thus heartily recommended it for the morbidly curious, student filmmakers, and anyone wishing to pad out a b-movie party night. All others should try to minimize their exposure.

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Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan

Robert Rodriguez to direct Vaporware: The Movie

It suddenly occurred to me as I was reading through movie news articles online that director Robert Rodriguez has been announced as attached to more movies in the past couple years than a dog has fleas. Most of which have yet to materialize. Here's a short list of movie projects mentioned in recent articles: Red Sonja, Barbarella, Woman in Chains!, Jetsons, Conan, Madman, Sin City 2, Machete and, oh, no, wait this just in; Robert Rodriguez's "Barbarella" Adaptation Officially Dead!

Why? Because "he failed to get appropriate funding for the project". Or, as some online critics put it, he talked the talk but couldn't walk the walk. I think the news was broken on the MTV Movies Blog as the above article seems to be quoting a MTV interview, which points out this film project "had been in development for years" and that (after offering a reasonable sounding excuse) "Rodriguez reluctantly said no and moved on to other projects".

Yes that's projects, plural. Of course some online critics indicate it's likely only a matter of time before he finds a reasonable sounding excuse for why he's not filming all those other movies either. Honestly some of these articles are getting ranty. Now as readers of my blog know I enjoy a good rant every now and again but, jeepers, some of the "articles" are just plain nasty.

Then again when you see a headline like: Robert Rodriguez to Relaunch Predator Franchise

It's hard not to react with: Say what? And launch into a rant. .

Let me get this straight this article says the man found the time to write a script for Fox called Predators (a sequel to Predator) yet hasn't produced anything tangible beyond poster mock ups for Red Sonja? That article casually mentions that Machete- which featured as one of the faux movie trailers in Grindhouse- will begin filming in June of this year. Which sounds great but, wait, wasn't Red Sonja announced first? Then again, according to another article from Bloody Disgusting: "Alex Litvak is currently penning the new draft of Predators that's to be produced by Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios". So Mr. Rodriguez is merely the writer/producer on this project?

Maybe I just read the initial articles wrong but they sure made it sound like Mr. Rodriguez had announced he was directing all these projects. I am so confused. Maybe another article can clear matters up. And, wouldn't you know, here's another great headline for you: Sin City 2 Moving Forward.

That article reports: "Rodriguez [stated] that he had a few other commitments he had to complete before moving on to Sin City 2, but he is beginning talks with his creative team and could begin filming as early as next year."

He's not begun filming, much less wrapped, on ANY of the aforementioned projects (so far as I know) yet he's in talks to begin yet another film project? The man's a friggin' cinematic Hercules! How he is going to magically pull these movies out of his sphincter I don't know but I look forward to seeing them, er, the movies I mean.

Moving along. .

Predators is stated as having "a release date of July 9, 2010" so that's sounds like it's a solid commitment. But then so, supposedly, was the Barbarella project. I seem to recall Ms McGowan, the lovely red headed actress tapped to play the titular role, at one point was quoted as saying the sets had even been built. Yet, based on the articles above, it sounds like the current reports quoting Mr. Rodriguez are stating there was only some artist sketches and that the project never got out of the talky pre-production stage.

My brain hurts.

To summarize: Coming to a theatre near you maybe-perhaps-one day soon will be Robert Rodriguez's Vaporware: The Movie; probably-maybe-perhaps starring Rose McGowan.

A whole lot of nothing. That's the basic substance of the articles I've been reading. And that annoys me. So, in closing, I'd like to appeal to Mr. Rodriguez to PLEASE release a press statement about what you're really up to. These Internet rumours are giving me a migraine.

Thank you. Have a lovely day.

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Covert One: The Hades Factor

Year: 2006

Run Time: 165 minutes

MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Director: Mick Jackson

Cast: Stephen Dorff, Mira Sorvino, Blair Underwood, Sophia Myles, Danny Huston, Colm Meaney, Josh Hopkins, Jeffrey DeMunn, Anjelica Huston, Rosemary Dunsmore, Joris Jarsky, Karen Glave, &tc.

URL: Covert One (Official CBS page)

Format Viewed: DVD (R1)

Premise: A mission to retrieve a virus stolen by terrorists goes terribly wrong leaving a covert operative out in the cold and the government reeling in confusion as they rush to find the agent and recover the deadly bio-weapon before it can be unleashed against an unsuspecting populace.

The DVD: Picture is clear, audio is good, feature is anamorphic widescreen, and the extras include trailers for Ultraviolet, The Cave, The Forgotten, and The Fifth Element.

The Movie: This was actually a television mini-series which, I suspect, may have been originally intended as a vehicle for a regular run of mini series. Which may explain why it's such a convoluted mess. To misquote the Guild Navigator from Dune: There's plans within plans.

Without giving too much of the plot away a covert agent (Mira Sorvino) in Berlin is double crossed, thus leaving her uncertain of who to trust, and all because various groups are out to gain possession of a vial of deadly bio-toxin. Meanwhile there's this other former covert operative that coincidentally happens to be attending a conference in Berlin that's a old friend/co-worker of Sorvino's character. Apparently he's supposed to be super important (yet retired) black-ops dude, a real Jack Baur type, and since he's also in Berlin people just assume he's in on the plot. Or, if not, he can at least track down his friend and recover the vial as it's assumed she will likely be looking to contact former operatives she knew or something.

Covert One seemed to have a fairly decent start. However part way through viewing I suddenly recognized a scene. That I apparently watched part of this when it aired yet remember nothing about this speaks volumes about how tediously dull and forgettable Covert One is. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that this miniseries was based on a series of novels by Robert Ludlum. Never read any thing by or heard of the author but, according to wikipedia, Covert One is a "sequence of thriller novels" and "the series features a top-secret team of political and technical experts who fight corruption and conspiracy at the highest and most dangerous levels of society" (Ludlum books dot com).

Covert One plays like an extended episode of 24 with Stephen Dorff as the low rent Jack Baur stand-in. However he doesn't really get involved with the "action" until the movie is well underway, and even then he's more reluctant antihero who ends up caught in the middle of high level intrigue. Alas Covert One has neither the carefully crafted suspense or sense of anticipation that something imminent is about to happen that the typical episode of 24 manages to put into it's compact 45-50 minute run time.

Assessment: Covert One is a lame game of hide-and-seek tag in which the main character, supposedly a former covert operative, has to be cajoled into action; which is mostly chasing clues around the globe to try to find out what's going on. It's basically a game of: Where in the World is that Bio-weapon? And if you think that sounds tediously dull try sitting through this boring garbage. Mira Sorvino has little more than a glorified extended cameo role, appearing at the beginning and near the end of the miniseries. But the real surprise is Anjelica Huston, who plays the president, for she has the briefest screen time of all the name actors yet has the most memorable onscreen presence. Sadly it's not enough to save this. Then again Mira Sorvino could have been totally nude throughout this miniseries and it would still not be worth watching, it's that mind-numbingly insipid.

Verdict: Considering I purchased this at Big Lots for $3 I wont complain, much. Yet that is $3 I could have spent on something worthwhile, like a tabloid or garbage bags. Covert One is a totally forgettable OUTBREAK/ANDROMEDA STRAIN wannabe that takes a talented cast and utterly wastes them on a pallid script, clichéd plot, and excruciatingly dull drama that barely rises above urine drenched mediocrity. Avoid.

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Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan