Monday, June 8, 2009

Deep Evil

Year: 2004

Director: Pat Williams

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Adam Harrington, Ona Grauer, Lindsay Maxwell, Leah Cairns, Heather Feeney, Rachel Grodnik, Rachel Hayward, Michael P. Northey, Will Sanderson, Ron Selmour, Jim Thorburn, &tc.

Format Viewed: Satellite Broadcast

MPAA Rating: R

Score Card:

Click for Score Card info.

Premise: An pathetically cheap looking swamp creature-alien-monster-mutant something gets loose in top secret bio-research lab/secret underground military base/corporate research facility someplace in remote Alaska and kills a bunch of people then other people (read: the clichéd "crack military team") get sent in to deal with-find-recover something but not before the mutant-alien-crazed monster whatever starts killing-stalking-eating-mating with their corpses and G-d knows what else.

Swamp Thing?

The Reality: DEEP EVIL is your typical low budget wannabe ALIEN schlock that's really more a knock-off of THE THING starring the cousin of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.

The Story: Deus misereatur it's a clichéd alien-mutant-monster in a lab movie! For those who don't know the drill amoral yet stupid-evil scientists in an uber secret lab are working with exotic-alien-mutant DNA and accidentally on purpose create a monster-hybrid-alien creature that kills and/or infests the stupid-evil scientists with its parasitical offspring. At least I think that's what's going on. The movie is apparently supposed to be (or was so bad their was no other way to edit this smelly carp) a flashback within a flashback as a prisoner in a room is interrogated and tortured. Which is basically what it feels like to sit through this; torture.

Drowning in chocolate milk?

Assessment: If you can get past the fact it looks like all the director/casting person did was hire some random people off the street, throw hastily assembled military style costumes on them, put them into rooms after telling them to make believe they're soldiers-lovers-interrogators-whatever and started "Zen" filming. .

Don't ask, don't tell.

If you can get past the fact these ludicrous character freeform sessions seem to go on for an eternity before the director remembered this was suppose to be a horror/monster movie. .

Cookie?

If you can put your brain into neutral and not ask probing questions about what the heck is going on. .

Does my hand smell funny?

If, and I stress the word if, you can do any of that then you may be able to enjoy DEEP RISING. Otherwise you might as well just get someone to hit you in the genitals with a hammer, because that's what sitting through this movie will feel like to you. For the rest of us bad movie aficionados DEEP RISING has it's moments. .

WTF?

Sadly they're too few and too short to make this movie recommendable to any but the most hardcore of bad movie gluttons. And yet. .

Verdict: This movie is bad but not terrible and while its impoverished plot brings nothing new or interesting to a tired premise in need of retirement I'd rate DEEP EVIL as predictable yet not entirely boring; just unbelievably lame. Alas, if you are in the military, know someone in the military, have a family member in the military, or have ever watched a serious documentary about the military you may wish to stay away from this movie. Herein are egregiously error filled depictions of military personal that may induce migraines. OTOH nitpickers could make a fun game of pointing out the inaccuracies/mistakes/ridiculous nonsense in this movie.

CGI Spiders!?

Caveat Emptor DEEP RISING is available on: DVD

# End of Line

Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan

1 comment:

Freddy said...

Review switches from a film titled DEEP EVIL to another horror film, DEEP RISING.